I’m Home…So What Now?

I had hoped to blog before now but I have not had the time or energy that I would have liked. I am at home but I still have a Tracheotomy and a feeding tube so I’m on a rigorous medicine and feeding schedule that leaves me short times to sleep and rest. My rebuilt tongue is still too swollen to allow me to eat or breathe without these implements right now. (And yes – I pulled out the fuzzy kitty pics again!)

Doctors have said my recovery is way ahead of schedule.  Two weeks out from surgery I was home.  Most patients are still hospitalized. I need those encouragements to remind me that God has this because I really don’t feel ahead of much but I am thankful for those encouragements.

I am unable to speak and frustrated with that. My frustration has peaked since my children arrived home yesterday for the first time since my surgery.  Trying to keep up with a nine,  twelve, and fifteen year old using sign language and white boards surely constitutes some outer ring of Dante’s inferno.  (Okay,  a VERY outer ring.  But still! )

My test results showed that I will need radiation treatment this summer and they have decided to partner that with a run of chemo.  A six week course. Admittedly,  I have some concern about this.  Whenever it has been mentioned to a nurse or medical professional,  they all get this look on their faces. It seems to be a cross between horror and pity. One woman’s response rings in my mind.  She is a home nurse and she is very young and sweet. She grabbed both of my hands and said urgently, “You’ll make it through.  Remember that. You will.” That frightened me but I am holding on to the sentiment.

I will be having another surgery next Friday, the 13th of June.  It’s a skin graft to fix the place on my wrist where they used skin to rebuild my tongue.  I’m not looking forward to another surgery but I will be happy to have it in my past. This will be a punctuation mark to one part of my recovery so that is a good thing.

I have good days and bad.  God has been exceedingly faithful to get me His messages of hope and love when I’m having bad days.  Emails,  notes,  or gifts have arrived at those moments and they have all,  without exception,  led with the phrase “God put you in my heart today.” He is good.  All the time.

I’ve been told by many that I’m some sort of great example of courage and faith. This is a mixed blessing for me.  So thankful to see God using this journey in a good way but I do admit to my moments of wishing I weren’t in this particular spotlight.  I have Moses moments of ‘why me?’ but more often than not I hear the prayer of Jesus from the garden.  “Take this cup from me please.” followed by “Not my will,  but Thine.” I just have to trust that God has a better plan.

So that is where I am. I spend much time listening to the Scriptures. The Psalms are fabulous. Most people focus on the cries for help and soothing poetry, but they are mixed with David’s fighting spirit.  This man after God’s own heart was not afraid to battle with those who came against him.  I get a kick out of that spirit.  It helps my battle as well.

Oh and here’s a random weird fact for you. One of the  doctors this week told me I was lucky they used my wrist for the rebuilt tongue. He said if they had used my thigh, it would continue growing hair! How weird is that?! Phew for one weird thing I don’t have to deal with!

Thank you for continuing to lift me in prayer. Your prayers and friendship are deeply treasured.  For those wondering about specific prayer requests from me,  I would love prayer for grace and supernatural provision during chemo and radiation. Strength for that too. And for my family. I admit to having some anxiety issues since leaving the hospital, so prayers in that area would help as well.

May God’s blessings pour over each of you in abundance!